We're very excited to reveal the final part of our two-part guest blog collaboration with Kate Steer, Nurtured Neuro Kids.  In the first part Kate discussed why your child might struggle so much when they get home from school. Building on from this we now explore practical ways you can support your child after school, including simple tips that can help manage expectations.

Be mindful at school pick up

Take a deep breath before you collect your child and be ready to meet their emotions for what they are. Your calm energy will help to regulate and ground your child. Use a soothing tone and try to be their calm in the storm.

Greet your child with a smile and a hug instead of questions about their day. Remember that your child has spent all day answering questions and navigating various demand and expectations. After school is the time to regulate and decompress, so try to take the pressure off. On the way home try to give your child some time and space, to process the day. After they have had time to eat and drink something, you might want to ask them what their body needs. If you’re driving home perhaps put on some relaxing music and stay quiet, or if you are walking home, perhaps just comment on the little things you notice. Every child is different, and this will depend hugely on your child. Always take their lead, but straight after school might not be the time for big conversations.

Have a snack ready

Children, like all of us, are often more irritable when they’re hungry and tired. One of the best ways to help your child regulate is to offer a snack as soon as you can, to pick up their energy levels after a full and stimulating day. Crunchy foods can be very regulating for ND children, particularly sensory seekers, and if the snack can also offer some protein, that will help to rebalance their blood-sugar levels. Cold snacks can help to soothe their senses (a cold drink or fruit, or home-made ice lolly) and are another good option at school pick-up.

Regulation on the way home

Think of ways for your child to regulate on the way home – can you scoot or walk part of the way so they have time to move? Perhaps stop off at a park on the way home so they have the chance to run around in a large open space. A busy playground on the way home might not be the best option for your child to regulate as this can be more overwhelming and stimulating for them. If you are driving home, ensure your child has a snack in the car and a sensory kit with different items inside that can help them to regulate.

We know that water is hugely regulating for our bodies, so if you live near water (a river, lake, pond or sea) perhaps you could stop off and play near the water or have an after school snack sat by the side of the water.

What does your child need?

Is it quiet time in front of a screen? Sensory play with you? Or is it a big hug and reading a story or doing a puzzle together? Every child is different, and their needs and regulation strategies and preferences will be different. And this might change from one day to the next, so be ready to adapt. Every day is different in terms of our capacity to cope, so some days your child might need more support than others.

Comfort clothes and toys

Help your child to get comfy when they get home, getting dressed into their comfiest clothes and using toys or sensory tools that help to regulate them. For example a weighted lap pad or blanket, time inside a sensory tent.

Water and play

Free play gives children an outlet to release their emotions and feelings. Play is an important part of emotional development for children and through play, children can release and express their feelings. Whilst the weather is warm, try to create opportunities for your child to regulate outside (possibly in your garden) with some water play. This can also be done inside with a long play bath after school, giving them lots of time to splash and release their feelings.

Some families find that having a bath before bedtime can be dysregulating for their neurodivergent child, so why not try this in the afternoon straight after school? Rather than remove bath time, I would try to encourage nice long play baths where your child can play and splash before dinner. We know that water is hugely regulating for our nervous system, and if we add in some soothing Epsom salts (magnesium) that will further support your child after school.

Prioritise connection

Try to find small ways to connect with your child outside of school time, giving them your undivided attention. This might look like playing a favourite game together to help them unwind, planning a special meal, reading together, watching their favourite tv show snuggled together and perhaps an increased bedtime routine to allow for more opportunities to connect.

Before school, try to find an opportunity for connection, however small. Try to give your child a little bit more of you in the mornings if you can and fill up their emotional cup before separation. Spending this extra time together in the morning can help ease your child into the separation of the school day while feeling more strongly attached to you.

Release those feelings

At some point in the afternoon, I wouldn’t advise just before bed, you could ask your child if they have any ‘tangles/knots that need to be undone’ or ‘squigly feelings’ that want to come out or are making them feel unsure. However, you phrase it with your child give them opportunities to discuss their feelings or worries outside of an emotionally charged moment and suggestions for how to let those big feelings out – stomp them out, jump them out on a bed or trampoline, bash them out in a pillow fight or sofa cushion wrestle.

Be proactive

I always say to the families that I work with that we need to parent proactively rather than reactively. Plan in regulation activities before school too that will support your child, so they leave for school feeling more regulated. This is especially important for children who wake up early and have a lot of time before school starts – how are they spending this time? I have created a workshop specifically about this, looking at ways to support your child before and after school.

Manage expectations

Be mindful of the overall expectations being placed on your child across a week. For many children, quieter afternoons and weekends will be necessary to enable them to recharge and regulate after school. Some schools don’t allow reception children to attend after school clubs for this reason. As parents, we might want to consider reducing other demands and social engagements, so that your child is able to decompress and regulate over the weekend.

Our goal as parents should never be to ‘stop healthy expressions of feelings’ but the frequency and intensity of your child’s exhaustion needs to be supported and monitored. If you would like any support with your child’s big emotions/meltdowns before or after school, then please get in touch.

Written by Kate Steer - Family coaching that supports neurodivergent children and families
Nurtured Neuro Kids
Web - www.nurturedneurokids.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nurturedneurokids

Sensory Direct

To view informative blogs and products that can help with self regulation, anxiety, emotional support and meltdown control please visit sensorydirect.com.