This time of year we're often asked for tips on supporting neurodivergent children at Christmas. We're delighted to be able to share some advice from the brilliant Kate Steer, from Nurtured Neuro Kids. Kate offers family coaching and online workshops that support neurodivergent children and families. She has a background in psychology, extensive experience from teaching in primary schools, 1 to 1 coaching, workshops and parenting a neurodivergent child herself.

We asked Kate to share her advice and top tips for how to support your neurodivergent child this Christmas - we hope you find this as insightful as we have.

Navigating Christmas

For some children and families, Christmas is a real highlight to the year. They fully embrace all the lights, noise, busy environments, changes to routine, loud music and much more! But for many children who are more sensitive and those who are neurodivergent all the changes Christmas brings can cause anxiety, add demands, social pressure and sensory overwhelm.

It is important that we take time to reflect on how small changes and accommodations can be made to best support and include your neurodivergent child. Having taught in schools for many years, as a parent to a neurodivergent child and coach to hundreds of families I have put together my top tips for supporting your neurodivergent child this Christmas, and to help you create neuroaffirming experiences, environments and adaptations that embrace and accommodate your child’s unique needs.

Routine

Many neurodivergent children thrive on routine, and this is something that can be disrupted regularly in the lead up to and during Christmas – both at home and in school. Routines are important because they help children to feel safe, in control of a situation and therefore less anxious. Routines create a sense of predictability, which in turn creates feelings of safety and comfort. When we know what is happening next, it becomes easier to manage. When we lose that predictability and sense of control it can increase feelings of stress, panic, overwhelm and anxiety.

My number one tip, where possible, is to try and keep your child’s routine/schedule as close to ‘normal’ as possible, including Christmas Day. When everything else becomes more unpredictable outside of our homes, it is important we increase predictability within our child’s safe place.

You can discuss this with your child’s teacher to ensure that as many school routines can be kept the same for your child, especially if they have additional support in school. Try to find out about any big changes to routines in advance, so you can help to prepare and support your child.

A visual timetable at home can be a great idea to help show your child what is happening each day, highlighting any changes to their usual routine. Visual timetables can be used to support time at home over the school holiday if this helps your child. Remember to hold onto routines over the school holidays as much as possible too, especially around the end of the day. This might mean one parent leaving a social event earlier to ensure your child has plenty of time in the afternoon for downtime/regulation.

Try to really focus on maintaining a predictable routine leading up to bedtime, with all their usual elements whether that includes a bath, story etc. Whilst for some children ‘skipping a bath’ might be fun, it can be very unsettling for a neurodivergent child if they are used to always having a bath before a story and then sleep.

 

Create buffers

Try to offer and create buffers either side of ‘big’ events or things that your child might find challenging. For example, if you know there is a family gathering on a Saturday afternoon think about how Saturday morning might look like to support your child. Perhaps some time outside to run around, regulate in nature or quiet time spent at home with limited demands, lots of time for regulation with their favourite fidgets, weighted items, hopper ball, television etc. This ‘buffer’ time might also be needed after the event, so your child has time to decompress, manage any overwhelm and recharge. Every child is different, and the time needed either side of events/activities will be dependent on your child and their needs. You might need to offer your child a few days to decompress after finishing school for the term.

 

Spend time staggering

Consider how you can stagger events and activities gradually across December to avoid it all becoming ‘too much’. Introduce things slowly and at your child’s pace. This might mean putting up decorations gradually over a few days, or staggering presents across the whole month rather than it becoming too overwhelming on one or two days.

 

Create or allow access to sensory safe environments

Whether you are having visitors to your house, or spending time in other people’s homes, try to create a safe space for your child with necessary accommodations to support their needs. This might look like a quiet room when visiting family, where your child can go to when feeling overwhelmed or dysregulated. They might want to take sensory supports/regulation tools from home to set up if needed and have access to this room anytime they choose. If this is not possible then perhaps give them the option to leave when they feel ready, or when you notice them becoming overwhelmed. At these points, it might be necessary to ‘divide and conquer’ if you have more than one child. One parent can stay at the event, whilst the other heads back home (or outside for some space/quiet time) – if this is possible.

 

Preparation

Many neurodivergent children can find any kind of change difficult, as well as social expectations and time spent away from home. If you have people visiting your house, or you are visiting friends/family over the festive period, then try to have a plan in place to support your child as best you can. Any accommodations that your child might need, whether that is around present giving, meals, lighting, having a quiet space to escape to when needed, ensure all plans are shared so others know what you expectations are, your child’s needs and what boundaries you have in your house surrounding your child.

 

Your House, Your Rules

Remember it's okay to hold boundaries in your home that will keep your neurodivergent child more regulated and feeling safe. If you have friends or family visiting your house, then perhaps communicate in advance how your child might need to be supported. This might look like your child having access to their bedroom whenever they need to, wearing ear defenders or watching tv if needed, setting boundaries on the length of time people spend in your house, limiting presents, allowing safe foods for your child.

Whatever you need to support your child, whatever accommodations that need to be put in place to ensure everyone has a positive day/experience is needed. We so often advocate for accommodations outside of our home, and then forget this is the place we need them the most. If your child is used to walking around when they eat, then that is what it should look like on Christmas Day. Same child, same accommodations!

 

Presents

For some neurodivergent children, receiving presents/having surprises can be very overwhelming and cause anxiety; this will need to be carefully managed and simplified where possible to best accommodate your child’s needs. If surprises are not something they like or can tolerate, then this expectation/tradition should be removed. For some children it can help to feel more in control of the presents they receive, so perhaps they might like to create a list (if they are able to) with the items they would like to receive and who they might get them from. E.g. I would like a new space Lego set from Grandma, and a book about the solar system from Uncle Jim. This can help to reduce anxiety in the lead up to present giving/receiving and also help to manage the number of presents they receive.

 

 

For some children they might also prefer presents not to be wrapped. Where possible, give your child as many choices around this and ask them what they feel would be easier. If your child knows what is inside the parcel, then they might feel less anxious about the present being wrapped. However, the sensory aspect of opening/tearing paper might be too much for some children. Be mindful of this and maybe a gift bag is easier or just no wrapping. Allow your child to choose when they open presents and if they would prefer to be on their own or open them after people have left. There is a lot of expectation and pressure on how children react when a gift is given, and this can be very overwhelming for neurodivergent/highly sensitive children. Remind your child they can choose what feels right for them and ask to stop or have a break whenever they need to.

 

Remember - getting a present that you really want and are looking forward to doesn’t take away any of the enjoyment. It can be a more neuroaffirming approach.

 

Decorations 

Neurodivergent children (and adults) all have differing sensory needs and will be able to tolerate different amounts of decorating in their home. For some children decorations can be really overwhelming. This might be especially true if your child struggles with change or visual clutter. As I mentioned before, try to stagger decorating over a few days. Put up the tree one day, add lights the following day and then perhaps ask your child to help add some decorations the next. Observe how your child is managing the changes. Allow your child time to play with and explore the decorations and be mindful of what decorations are suitable for your house.

Consider having areas of the house that are ‘Christmas free’ and are left without any changes or decorations. I think this is especially important in children’s bedrooms. We want that to be a space they can decompress, regulate and relax before sleep. Their bedroom can then become a quiet and calm space to go to over Christmas when feeling overwhelmed. This is something I advise to families I support, particularly in your child’s bedroom which is where we want our children to feel safe and as regulated as possible in a low arousal environment.

 

Safe Food

Make sure that there are always some safe food options for your child, whether at home, in school or visiting someone else’s house. Include your child in choosing the menu for Christmas day and be open to allowing their choices. If they want pizza for Christmas Day then let them have pizza! Think about adding in regulating snacks when out for the day or visiting somewhere new. Crunchy or chewy snacks are always a great option for regulation. If you are visiting someone else’s house over Christmas, perhaps communicate that you will be catering for your child and bringing everything they need to eat.

 

 

 

Final Thoughts…

Christmas doesn’t have to look the same for every family, and it is okay to create a Christmas that works for you. Remove all the pressures from others and think about what your child or children love and need. Even with lots of accommodations in place, Christmas can be very overwhelming for neurodivergent children. It is okay to cancel plans if your child is struggling or say no to invitations/social gatherings. When the world outside gets brighter, louder, busier and less predictable (even if all those things are very exciting and fun) it is important that our homes are a place of calm for our children. And remember, always be led by the needs of your child and not the expectations and opinions of those around you! Merry Christmas everyone!

For more information on how to support your child this Christmas, and lots of other fantastic workshops and resources, please visit The Nurtured Neuro Kids Instagram page.

Coaching

Are you interested in a 1:1 coaching session or workshop in January? Message Kate on kate.nurturedneurokids@gmail.com and quote NURTUREDSENSORY10 for £10 off.

 

Guest blog written and supplied by Kate Steer, Nurtured Neuro Kids
December 2024
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